Monday, July 29, 2013

Can't Stop Thinking of Him



June 4 was my last day of school. I was so excited. My family and I had plans to go to Disney World. We wanted to take my parents with us. Then 2 days later I find myself heading to Las Vegas instead. Not what you're thinking. I wasn't there to have fun. My father's job relocated to Vegas about 10 years ago. I went to Vegas because he was hospitalized. First they thought it was pancreatitis. Then they thought he had stones. Either of these would have been fine. My dad past away 7 days later. On the day he died, we found out he had Lymphoma. It was the WORST day ever. We had NO clue. He had lived with Lymphoma Non-Hodgekins for over 10 years. When he died, he had  a HUGE stomach. The cancer had burst and spread all over. 

I usually don't share personal information like this on the internet, but I can't stop thinking about him. Those days I spent with him in the hospital. It was HORRIBLE to see him like that. I won't go into details, but it was so sad and painful to watch what he went through. I keep having flashbacks of those days.

And now it's time to get ready for the new school year and it's SO hard to concentrate. I am extremely anxious as I will be teaching a new grade level and I feel completely LOST! To top it off, our school is being built and its completion has been delayed. We were suppose to start on the 19th of August. Now we will start on September 2nd.

Thank you if you got to the bottom of the page. I guess I needed to get it off my chest.

16 comments:

  1. Thinking of you and sending prayers your way! Just take one day at a time and lean on the Lord! God bless you and your family.

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  2. Thinking of you. Time will ease your pain even if it doesn't feel that way now. Chin up buttercup!

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  3. Bless your heart! I'm so sorry and can't imagine what your going through. Sending prayers your way!
    Dana

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  4. I am so very, very sorry. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I am sending my thoughts and prayers-soon memories of good times will replace the more recent ones. Surround yourself with your love ones and friends.
    Julie

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  5. I lost my mom to cancer.She was actually expected to make a full recovery but her surgery spread the cancer. I know how difficult it is. I still sometimes think Oh my goodness I have to tell mom this. At first I was so upset spending her last days watching her struggle but now I see it as a gift I was there to say goodbye to the very first person that welcomed me into the world. God bless you and your family.

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  6. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you and your family!
    Alexa

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  7. I am so sorry for what you've experienced this summer. It's supposed to be a time of relaxation & refreshing your spirit before the next school year, and you obviously have not been able to do that. No wonder you're feeling lost & out of control! My prayers will be with you as you head into the new year. No one should have to experience what you and your family have gone through...but try to consciously replace those terrible memories with the loving, lasting GOOD memories you have of your dad! Easier said then done, I know;)
    SynonymRolls&AntonymMoments

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  8. So sorry for your loss! Try to remember the good times and give yourself time to grieve and to heal! The good thing about teaching is once you get back into the classroom the students keep you so busy it helps take your mind off of painful things (at least temporarily.) God Bless!

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  9. Thank you for all your comments. They really have helped :)

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  11. Oh my, I am so very sorry! I haven't lost a parent and can not imagine how hard that must have been. Lean on those around you for support and if writing things down helps you, WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! Good luck to you on the upcoming school year!

    http://luckylittlelearners.blogspot.com

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  12. Whatever you do to get ready to go back into the class room, talk to your dad about it. Ask him if he likes one thing or the other, ask him for strength, ask him to help you decide things, keep him in your thoughts and heart, so that you can concentrate and still work. He will be with you. He loved you too much to leave you now! He's close so open your heart and feel him there.

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  13. I am brand new to your blog, found you through Pinterest. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in the middle of the school year three years ago. I remember how hard it was to go back to school and focus. Grief is such a challenge, but you will get through it. Your dad will always be with you... in your heart. Be kind to yourself and ask for help! Especially as you go into a new grade level. Teachers are so giving. I'm sure that your new team will help and folks online are also so generous. Sending you healing thoughts.

    Peace!

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  14. So sorry for your loss! Prayers to you and your family.

    Lindsey

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  15. hugs and love! I'm starting to teach first grade this year after being in Kindergarten forever.. we can do this together!

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  16. Just came across your post and it realy hit home with me. I lost my dad over a year ago and there are still those moments that pop up unexpectedly and take your breath away. The love of family and friends and precious memories is what gets you through. Prayers and best wishes as you begin this new school year!

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